No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
