Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I feel great
I just peed on a car
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Randomize
