You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
