I bet he comes in French.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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