mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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