HIV tests are more positive than that guy
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
We are all done wearing pants today
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