Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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