i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
