I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
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