I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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