I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
