Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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