I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Randomize
