We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
