I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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