TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
