Midget sex pt 2 tonight
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
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