we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I fill condoms, not promises.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
