I'm laying in your front yard are you home
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't notice because vodka
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
