we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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