Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
