It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
