Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
