I am puke
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
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