it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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