guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
