I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Randomize
