Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
