he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
