I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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