So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
