I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
