I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
