I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
