the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
