My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
