pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
