It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
