He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize