like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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