just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
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