Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
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