My liver just broke up with me...
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Randomize
