I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
