Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The air was thick with penises
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Randomize
