Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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