some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
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