dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
