I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
