I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I want her autograph on my taint
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Randomize