you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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