Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
