I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
