A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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