Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
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