She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
Randomize
