oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
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