Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
