Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
