its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize