I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
