Pappa wants mamma naked
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
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