Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
