Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
