so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
no more duck duck goose at the bar
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
