I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
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