My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
