i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
She said her name was "party"
Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
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