all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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