I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
