I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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