Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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