I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
