will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
