I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
